


A Cursed Existence

by gabi1994



Series: The Marked [1]
Category: Rurouni Kenshin
Genre: AU, F/M, Fairy, Soulmates, Supernatural - Freeform, cursed lovers, fae
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-03-16 16:35:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3495344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabi1994/pseuds/gabi1994
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a blood madness that comes upon those who have hunted too long. When you have lost all semblance of humanity to the anger, to the pain, what is there to stop you from becoming the ones you hunt? Nothing... but all it takes to pull you back from the brink is one person... Now is that a blessing or a curse?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

An enticinglycharge of power skittered across the edges of the Battousai’s senses and he stopped, his feral, golden eyes snapping in the direction of the energy signature. Testing it with his cloaked ki a cold smile traced his lips for a moment as he sensed the raw power of his opponent.

‘ _This one might even prove a challenge._ ’ He thought with satisfaction as he casually performed chiburi watching the scarlet globules splatter across the pale leeched bark of the aspen around him. Sliding the katana home he turned away from the broken remains of his latest target.  Quickly, he scanned the clear night sky and the silent forest around him.

 The possibilities flashed through his mind, ‘ _Vampire ancient? No…the aura has no blood tinge…it can’t be a were…must be a sorcerer._ ’ He grinned coldly perhaps he would strike again this night.

With this in mind, he stalked toward the strangely electrifying power, his black cloak swirling about his form letting him disappear seamlessly into the night, no part of him visible save his glinting golden eyes.

* * *

His movements slowed as he neared the other being, wary of the pure power emanating from their aura. For a moment he paused, just out of sight and tested their aura.

 The power pummeled his mind mercilessly for a moment and he felt as though he were being seared by pure starlight. The strong silver and lavender light threaded with midnight blue swirled lazily through his mind overlooking his presence as insignificant.

Yet, Battousai was not reluctant, no, here was an opponent worthy of his strength and with this arrogance he stepped forward…then he saw her.

Sapphire light glowed in her midnight blue eyes. Her arms were raised as if she were calling out to the heavens as full petal pink lips moved quickly reciting an incantation. Suddenly, the silence of the night was shattered by a resounding crack and the clearing filled with light. Battousai froze. Wrenching his sword from his sheath he blinked rapidly prepared to ward off any blows.

Finally, his vision cleared and he sought out his opponent, his eyes widening at the sight that met his eyes. A bolt of blue white lightning had struck the clearing and remained a pure ladder of power still connected to the sky. Yet no cloud marred the starlit expanse. Ink black hair rose in smooth snaking coils as if to anchor her to the lightning.

And then, she laughed, ringing peals of mirth echoed across the clearing as the ladder to the heavens slowly shrank the small woman absorbing the raw power. As the light slowly drained from the clearing Battousai became aware of the luminescence that seemed to glow faintly beneath her pale skin. Settling into a defensible stance Battousai watched the strange female closely.

He thought himself fairly safe. And then her fathomless blue orbs caught his and he found himself ensnared in her power. Her lilting voice was quiet yet it carried to his ears perfectly as she spoke,

“Come, Hunter, you cannot mean to make me your prey?”

To his utmost horror Battousai felt himself nod. An almost apologetic expression crossed her features as she spoke her words carrying to resonate in his head.

“Come.”

Against his will Battousai felt his arm lower. His sword resting docilely at his side and his body began to step forward. A deep horror came into his tumultuous golden gaze as his body moved toward her passively.

Trapped within the confines of his mind he struggled to free himself from her influence. He was stronger than this. One witch’s look should not be enough to trap him. And, yet, he remained, a prisoner in his own body.

At this realization the Battousai felt, for the first time in his life, a bone deep fear that no physical danger could ever instill. As the fear bled into his golden orbs the woman frowned slightly,

“I apologize, young one.” She murmured.

Suddenly, Battousai found himself once more capable of speech as she partially freed his body from her control. His rich voice betrayed none of his fear as he snarled,

“Witch! What have you done to me?”

A vague smile crossed the woman’s face as she replied,

“Hush young one, it is not me you should be hunting.”  she said as she stepped forward closing the distance between them and although she barely reached his eye level he had never felt more helpless. Slowly the woman circled his frozen form and he tried to keep her in sight but he was unable to do so much turn his head. Instead he lashed out his voice low and menacing,

“Cease your games witch! Your kind are all the same, either kill me now or be done with your tricks. Either way I will do all that is within my power to drag you to with me.”

Yet instead of the rage he hoped to inspire the woman laughed her mirthful peals from just behind him,

“Do not make idle threats young one. I will not be provoked into killing you.”

As she said this she moved back into his line of sight and reached out sliding her hands beneath his cloak to run lightly along his belt. At her touch his breath hissed out and he glared venomously at the small woman.

Ignoring his reaction she deftly removed his belt knife before shoving his cloak back over his shoulders quickly searching his unmoving form for weapons. Removing his various daggers she set them in a small pile a few feet away, as she worked she muttered, "Too much cold iron for spell work," her nose wrinkled in distaste

Seeing the open loathing on his face the woman frowned  saying, “ You have become bitter, hunter. You have lost your purpose. You are blinded by your resentment and have forgotten your honor.”

At this Battousai snarled, “Do not speak to me of honor woman! You, witch, lost that along with your soul the moment you signed your deal with whatever demon you worship.”

He had barely said the words when her hand collided with his face. Unable to dodge he was caught off guard by the sharp sting of his cheek. Her hard eyes were nearly black as they bored into his.

“Do not speak of that which you do not understand. Don’t you see? Your soul was blackened when you began these killings. You are no longer making any distinction in your prey; men, women, mage, beast. I am no witch.”

But the cold sneer on his face confirmed her fear. His words held none of the honor or respect a hunter should have instead he spoke in anger.

"You are right, you are an abomination. It is my duty to remove your harmful influence from this world."

At his words her full lips pressed into a thin line and she pulled away from him,

"Then there is no help for it. This is the only way." And so saying she removed his katana from his unfeeling grasp and drove it into the ground beside the pile of his daggers.

 Then she walked out of his line of sight. He chuckled darkly as he felt the cold metal of a dagger at his throat.

"You would like me to kill you wouldn't you? It would be easier, no? Then, I could go back to being an abomination, someone worthy of death." As she spoke he felt the tip of the blade slide gently up his neck the flat of the blade almost caressing his face. Suddenly he felt a sharp pain on his face and then nothing at all…

_An open scar this will remain,_

_Until you find the truth again._

_No hate or anger will cloud your kills._

_Until the time a Fay’s blood spills,_

_But stolen not will this redemption's blood be found._

_Else on your head no rest will be,_

_neither sleep nor burial mound_

_contain thee_

* * *

When he woke hefelt a bone deep weariness. He was alone in the clearing as the dawn began to lighten the horizon. Alone save the haunting lines of an archaic spell running relentlessly through his mind. Quickly, he gathered his weapons stilling as a scarlet droplet marred the silvery expanse of his blade.

Raising a tentative hand, he investigated the damage to his face. A long, deep cut ran diagonally from just below his left eye to the bottom left edge of his jaw. Brushing aside this trifling annoyance he armed himself leaving the darkened forest and heading toward headquarters.

 It was not until later that he realized his curse.

 Now, every time he began to hunt a target, instead of being able to function as a hunter, attentive, yes, intent, yes. He was open, vulnerable, especially attuned to his victim’s emotions. Every nuance of their expression even the fear of death as his blade was driven home in their bodies.

And the scar, it remained, an angry red weal, a badge of his dishonor.

* * *

Seven years passed in this way. With each kill weighing still more heavily on his soul. The Battousai was no longer a violent harbinger of death, but a cold reaper of lives. No emotions save guilt shone in his haunted haggard face and yet he had developed a compassion for life that his compatriots had thought dead in him long ago.

Women and children were safe from his blade for he found the fear of a woman far too keen to hunt them. His targets he chose carefully, killing only when forced. Yet still the guilt ate away at his soul. In this way he kept his oath.

Sworn to hunt and cursed to feel the pain of his prey.

* * *

He had chosen his prey; a rouge vampire male who had been preying upon the young women of a village nearby. He had steeled himself for the unholy burst of killing intent, hatred, and fear; had rationalized the need for the beasts demise would have been able to live with that damned creatures soul weighing upon his shoulders.

 And now the beast was cornered, alone, save his latest victim as Battousai moved in for the kill. The vampire was already grievously wounded. It shouldn’t have happened. But then ‘shouldn’t haves’ never did count for much…

With a burst of unnatural speed, the beast, grabbed hold of the young, barely struggling female Kenshin had thought already dead. Leaping forward he tried to head the beast off but he was a little too late. With strength borne of cornered fear the vampire threw the still breathing woman at Battousai impaling her injured form upon his katana.

As her life’s blood seeped out onto his hands Battousai mind was filled with the emotions of her last moments; fear, pain, horror that she too might become the undead. And finally, most horrifyingly, hope that there might be a chance for her followed only by the cold pain which he knew so well.  The feeling of his victim’s death was so familiar now he thought he might already be partially dead, having had to cross that threshold again and again with each kill.

When the effects of his curse finally freed him it felt like hours had past rather than milliseconds. Yet, her blood still flowed over his hands and the vampire was still attempting to escape. Sliding his blade free of her body as smoothly as he could he turned and with a final burst of speed decapitated the vampire, stabbing him through the heart. Accepting, with near satisfaction, the instant replay of the evil creatures emotions.

And then he knew, there could be no more it had to end. All of it, one way or another he would feel death’s cold grip only once more. And this time he would return the embrace.

* * *

It was spring time; the earth was coming to life around him. Gazing up at the clear night sky he wondered absently if any would notice his passing enough to miss him, but he knew they would not. Katsura, perhaps, he might regret his loss, but Battousai knew; had seen it in the man’s eyes that Katsura thought him already dead. A poor man driven blood mad by the killings and deserving of rest. One more regrettable loss in a noble fight against the evils of the supernatural world.

Kneeling he drew his sword and rested the tip of the blade just below his rib cage. For a moment he hesitated, then lifting his eyes to the starlit expanse of forest. The lavender shadows and blue-white light leeching color from the landscape.

The moment seemed ethereal and Battousai smiled, driving the blade of his katana home one final time.

The cold pain which filled his senses was expected and welcomed and he smiled peacefully as he felt his life’s blood draining away. His vision began to swim and just as he lost the energy to sit and slumped to the side, deep, sapphire pools stared into his glassy gold and a soft admonishment rang in his oxygen starved brain.

“ _This is not your fate young one._ ”

As his world went black for the last time and he sank into the welcoming abyss.


	2. Chapter 2

Battousai's awareness rose slowly from the pain filled fog of sleep.

‘Dark, warm’

His mind first registering the dull pain radiating from his abdomen and the familiar leaden fatigue of blood loss in his limbs before the consequences of this awareness dawned upon him.

 He had failed, and the weight of his sins, the feel of Death's omnipresent chill, crashed over him in chilling waves of guilt and pain. Instinctively, before all else, he reached for his swords, for their comforting presence. This had to end; he could not go on surrounded by darkness. When his sure hand met coarse bedding rather than familiar cool, lacquered sheath of his katana his eyes flashed open.

He froze for a moment as honed instincts took stock of his unexpected surroundings. A ceiling which was composed of thatch and low rafters hung with neat bundles of drying herbs met his gaze rather than open sky and tree tops. His eyes darted to the side taking in walls of stacked river stone. Las to register was the odd buzz in the back of his pain and blood-loss clouded mind, another person.

He tensed his eyes searching as his ki sense spread out testing the bright ki. Instinctual fear gripped him at the strangely familiar ki, the sight of the long blue black locks which hung down her back. Then she turned and the light cerulean eyes meeting his held none of the unearthly power he feared.

For a moment silence filled the room as her eyes flitted about the room absently. Then she noticed him and smiled,

“Ah, good, you are awake. How do you feel?”

For a moment he watched her warily, but the wide eyed innocence in her gaze convinced him. If she did not know he had failed to commit suicide then why worry her? It would only lead to complications.

“Much improved, I thank you for your care. How long was I…” he trailed off

“You’ve been unconscious for two days.” The woman supplied before stepping away from the pot she was tending near the hearth and snagging a small bowl. In a moment she walked over a bowl of stew in hand.

“Can you sit up?” she asked, “You need to get something in you.”

Carefully, he eased himself upright his passive face showing none of the stabbing pain his movement caused. He waved aside her attempts to aid him.

“It’s alright, I am fine,” he muttered trying to keep his breathing even.

She nodded and handing him the bowl of stew left the small cottage with a soft assurance that she would be back shortly.

He finished his inspection of the room, skills that had kept him alive for far too long kicking in.

_Location: unknown, surroundings indicate this is a forested area feasibly no more than two miles from last known location. Two viable exits: door facing east and low window on the south facing wall. Structure seems to be double room with entrance along the north wall, contents and layout unknown. Large hearth along western wall may provide a possible exit but is not currently feasible._

_Occupants: petite female, human, young, appears to live alone, currently posing no physical threat. Possible skill in healing (non-magical); name: unknown._

This information was gleaned first followed by more mundane details.

The cottage was simple but well kept, the stones that made up the walls extending across the clean swept floors as well. A variety of well worn wooden furniture filled the room aside from the well patched and freshly cleaned pallet he lay on. But what stood out the most was a tall set of shelving across the room from where the pallet lay, his bedding carefully positioned near enough to feel the slight heat radiating from the hearth but out of the way and in the corner, farthest from the door.

The area before the shelves was taken up by a low table the whole area seemed to be a small apothecary various herbs and jars making up the organized clutter. Aside from this his eyes caught a few books as well as a well worn chest which were placed beneath the table. His swords were nowhere to be found.

He felt so weary, his mind clouded by pain and from the looks of things some sort of medicinal substance.

  _Why couldn’t it have ended cleanly? Why were the gods dragging his death out? Clean and quick, was that too much to ask for?_

He would end this. Soon.

A quick assessment of his injuries told him that he would probably be able to walk out of here on his own two feet. He needed only his katana and he would be gone, free from the guilt and this existence. Some small part of his mind hoped he could get far enough away so that the girl wouldn’t know, so that the innocence in those large, doe soft eyes would be preserved for a little while longer.

Then he was no longer alone, the woman returning indoors. Sharp eyes noted he had eaten nothing.

“The blood loss has probably made you nauseous, but, please, try to eat something. It’s only a light broth, it shouldn’t be too rich for your stomach. Your body needs the energy to heal.”

With a bit of chagrin he sipped the broth carefully, wincing internally; bland would have been the most polite description. But the inanely cheerful and hopeful smile on the woman’s face stopped any objections he might have voiced.

“Good, see it’s not so bad, you were lucky, somehow no major organs were hit.”

_‘Lucky…’_

The word echoed in his thoughts for a moment

_‘If only she knew…’_

“By the way, I’m Kamiya Kaoru, and you would be…” she trailed off hopefully moving to kneel beside the pallet so she no longer stood over him.

Clearing his throat softly he murmured, “Battousai.” Short, simple, standard response, generally sent sane people scrambling for the nearest exit.

She laughed, “Come now, that can’t be your real name.”

Bright sapphire eyes darkened for a moment and he heard himself speaking, telling her, a complete stranger, his true name,

“Himura Kenshin.”

_What was he doing? All a person needed in these parts was your name to do harm; he’d met sorcerers who could snatch appearances with less than that. He knew this, knew better than to let any know his name._

“Hmm, it suits you.” She said with a smile, “You, Kenshin, are lucky I found you, it was a close thing.”

Kenshin nodded absently, loathe to lie openly to the woman. Handing her the empty bowl he rose gingerly, pleased he could move, though his movements were halting and strained. She rose with him, intentionally or unintentionally, he knew not, angling her body to block his immediate exit.

“You are a skilled healer. I thank you for your care. I don’t wish to burden you Kamiya. If you would return my weapons to me I can be on my way.”

For a moment the woman watched him silently her eyes darkening, but her tone was light as she replied,

“Please call me Kaoru, and I couldn’t possibly let you leave in your condition, why you’re barely standing, you’d be snapped up by the first were-bunny you came across.”

Yet despite the growing sense of unease he felt he persisted overlooking the steely edge in her gaze, choosing to hear only the naïve woman on the surface.

His voice hardened, “My swords, Kamiya?” He intentionally leaned towards her crowding the small woman, his strong ki focused on her pale aura.

Yet instead of acquiescing the slight woman was unmoved, her voice low and hard as she asked, “Would you squander my effort to heal you Hunter?”

Kenshin tensed for a moment his body instinctively wary of the dangers those nuances of speech presented even if his rational mind chose to overlook the possibility.

But Kaoru continued her cheerful and sunny persona firmly back in place.

“You’d rip all of you stitches, you simply cannot travel until your wound has healed more thoroughly.” Her smile was genuine and even Kenshin’s sharp eyes failed to catch the dark glimmers in her naive and wide eyed gaze.

To his surprise Kenshin found himself nodding with reluctant agreement. His options were limited, short of ‘escaping’ from or threatening the well intentioned woman what could he do? He was without weaponry and, for the moment, at this small woman’s mercy.

Somehow Kaoru convinced Kenshin to lay back down. Within minutes the hunter was asleep warm meal as well the light sedatives in the broth coupled with his attempts to stand having exhausted his meager stamina.

Kneeling beside the pallet the inanely cheerful expression dropped from Kaoru’s face. Her expression was weary and regretful as she brushed a lock of blood red hair from Kenshin’s care worn face. He would not wake soon, her mild compulsion to sleep and heal stopping him from further irritating his wound.

“Was I too hard on you young one? I wonder have you learned the value of a life?” she mused aloud.

Gently, she ran a feather light touch over the angry red weal on his cheek. Feeling still the slight tingle as her magic recognized its own.

“Is it so hard to live with your sins?” she asked the sleeping form, but, she knew well the weight of a life, and she could, in a way understand why he had chosen to end the pain. It was that understanding, the knowledge, of what it felt like to have nothing left to live for that had made her stop him.

Regret flashed across her features. Even with the knowledge that she had had no choice, she had trouble looking down on his broken form and remembering that he would have been devoured by the darkness sooner had she hesitated.

Rising Kaoru felt a weariness that beguiled her youthful form. Too long had she inhabited this guise, Kaoru knew not how much longer she could hold this semblance.

* * *

When Kenshin woke he was somewhat startled to see Kaoru had fallen asleep. She sat leaning easily against the wall at the foot of the pallet, with what he assumed to be mending in her lap. Asleep, she seemed older; a subtle weariness seemed etched over her youthful features. A thing which seemed unnatural, something he couldn’t name its presence lurked along the edges of his mind.

Under his scrutiny her bright cyan eyes opened and she smiled, blinking sleepily. Yawning she stretched.

“I’m sorry, I just drifted off didn’t I?” she said with a grin, “How are you feeling?”

Kenshin shrugged, he felt…well, like he’d tried to skewer himself. Which, he had…so all in all, he felt better than expected.

“Fine,” he replied noncommittally.

 Kaoru’s brow winkled slightly at his vague answer but did not press him instead saying, “We should change your bandaging while you’re up.”

  Rising, her long earthen toned skirts brushing her ankles she set her mending on the low table before the shelving. Quickly, she retrieved a neat roll of bandages and a small stoneware jar. As she drew near Kenshin tensed sensing a strong magic about her.  His calm, honeyed eyes bleeding to hard burning gold. Oddly, she seemed to understand. Pausing in her quick movements she held out the stoneware jar.

“It’s a healing ointment; our medicine woman is very skilled.” Kaoru murmured projecting a feeling of calm and cloaking her own power, omitting any mention she had made the ointment and at the same time avoiding the outright lie he would sense.

Kenshin flushed feeling foolish for his distrustful reaction. 

Slowly he nodded. “Ah, I see, it startled me.”

Her polite smile stayed firmly in place but laughing cerulean eyes let Kenshin know exactly what she thought of his excuses. He shook his head ruefully and was shocked to find that an answering smile was tugging at his lips. He sat up kneeling to give her better access to his injury.

With swift efficiency she shoved the sleeves of her cream blouse up and out of the way, revealing leanly muscled arms. His brain had hardly registered this before she bent and began to unwrap the soiled bandages which swathed his midsection. When white wrappings fell away revealing his wound Kenshin blinked, his vision wavering slightly.

 For a moment he imagined that all that remained of his wound was an angry red line. Then he blinked and the image before his eyes settled. He saw what he expected, a deep gash, just beginning to scab over. Careful stitching holding a jagged wound closed, for a moment his half formed question hung in the air,

“Wha-”

“Hmm?” he heard Kaoru inquire from where she was leaning behind him to inspect the exit wound.

 Cool fingers gently probed the slightly inflamed skin before spreading a thick layer of ointment over it. The burning sensation lessened a numb tingling taking its place. Placing a thick pad of bandage over the wound she repeated the same process with the entry wound, before binding both pads in place.

“You are healing well. You’ll be up and about in a matter of days.” She assured him.

Kenshin nodded slowly still unsure what tricks his eyes were playing on him.

_‘Must be the blood loss.’_

He thought spacing out slightly.

Kaoru watched the vacant look on the man’s face with slight satisfaction. He was beginning to see through her illusions. Perhaps there was hope for him yet. He had been on the threshold of death when she found him. She had been forced to close his wounds prematurely to prevent him from bleeding out, so, while she had been unable to expend the energy to heal his wound internally, externally his injury appeared a week rather than two days old

Leaving Kenshin to his thoughts she set about removing the soiled bandaging. A soft inquiry stopped her.

“Kamiya, do you live here alone?” the transparent concern in his voice warmed her heart.

“That I do, but the villagers check up on me every week or so.” She said as she placed the bandages in a basket of soiled clothing and returned to her mending. The unfamiliarly domestic task giving her something to do that wouldn’t alarm the hunter too much.

“Kamiya, this forest is not a safe place for a young woman to live alone.”

Kaoru nodded, “True, but perhaps I am not your average damsel in distress.” She said with a cheeky grin.

Kenshin frowned, “This is no laughing matter, plenty of creatures would have attacked you upon waking, having found themselves injured in your home.”

For a moment Kaoru watched him in silence, her voice was solemn when she spoke,

“I thank you for your concern but I assure you, I am not a fool, Kenshin. You will simply have to take my word that I am well able to take care of myself. I have not survived this long on dumb luck. ”

Kenshin looked unconvinced but let the subject drop.

* * *

As the days passed Kenshin grew stronger, able to remain awake for periods longer than half hour intervals, he found himself feeling a strange contentment being with Kaoru. For all of her naivety and energetic cheeriness, she had a strange air of assurance about her, an inner strength, which while well hidden often shone though.

 She took all of his quirks without batting an eye and had a fierce temper. Her spitfire personality and optimism drew him inexplicably to her. She embodied the life he had not experienced in so long and seemed to hold an inner fire that nothing could quench.

What frightened him most was the knowledge that he, in a simple careless action, might be the one to dampen the light in her eyes. To harm the love of life she held so fiercely to, even, when a passing solemnity overcame her natural cheerfulness.

* * *

It had been around five days since Kaoru had brought Kenshin into her home, and three days since the man had wakened, when she was roused by the a sharp spike of now familiar ki, tainted by the fear and death that seemed to emanate from the front room. Opening her eyes to the dim confines of her back room, she rose quickly from her pallet.

 Easing on the long skirts which she had taken to wearing during Kenshin’s stay rather than her usual breeches, she moved gingerly around a few of her more…interesting belongings. Her path illuminated in the soft lavender blue radiance being emitted from a globe of power currently hovering in a small spell bound, she moved silently towards the door.

As she passed, the globe began to gravitate toward her but she waved it away subconsciously reinforcing the cloaking which helped hide her power laden aura from the all too observant Kenshin. Slipping into the main room her eyes quickly zeroed in on the conspicuously Hunter-less pallet by the wall. Scanning the room she finally found his still form where he rested against the wall near the foot of his pallet, the darkness naturally reaching out to cloak his form from unfriendly eyes.

His ki was being smothered by the darkness as the fire that seemed such an innate and strong quality in his very being fought a losing battle, flaring and sputtering until it was a bare flicker to her senses. The dream fear bleeding off of him made it seem to her that the temperature in the room had actually lowered.

Rather than rushing over she debated her options. Throwing something at an injured man to wake him seemed rather counterproductive, albeit safer than shaking a distressed hunter awake… when a soft almost broken cry escaped his eerily still form Kaoru decided she would be able to fend off a sleepy and injured hunter well enough should worse come to worst.

 Crouching before him she called out his name softly. Reaching out a hand she gently gripped his upper arm. Yet, instead of shoving her away as she expected he tensed one arm wrapping about her waist and dragging her to him, while a strong calloused hand latched onto her throat.

Her sure hands grabbed the offending wrist pressing her thumbs harshly into the large tendon of his wrist forcing his grip to loosen it’s strangle hold over her airway. Kaoru dragged in a breath her face inches from Kenshin’s. His dull amber eyes were filled with dream fear and stark panic. They were disturbingly vacant.

As confusion began to filter into their flat golden depths the arm about her waist relaxed and she shifted away to kneel at his side with slowly deliberate motions, projecting the most harmless aura she could in an effort to calm the threatened man before her, who still, kept a hand at her throat. Pulling back but not away trying not to startle him into an aggressive response.

She knew deep down, now was not a time she could risk her gifts, not for anything, lest she shove this man deeper into the madness that clawed at him.

* * *

Kenshin woke violently, the fear from his dream translating into adrenaline flooding his veins as he perceived the feel of a threat.

_‘ grabbing hands, detaining… threatening, fear.’_

He acted on instinct honed by years spent with far too many allies who were just as likely to turn on you as enemies. Yet, the small form he restrained did not resist, did not struggle and as the night terror drained away he relaxed and felt the empty blackness of the abyss retreat. One thing impressing itself upon him.

_‘Kaoru…safe’_

Suddenly his sleep muddled mind connected the calm sapphire eyes watching him with the slender throat he was threatening to crush. Guilt swamped his senses and he dropped his hands, shifting away from the small woman, trying desperately not to terrify her more thoroughly than she must already be. He pulled back, hands open and unthreatening giving her space to run. 

“I- I’m so sorry…I hadn’t-…I didn’t…” Haltingly, he tried to apologize, his voice burning with shame, as the yawning chasm, which seemed to loom before him drew closer.

How did you apologize for trying to kill someone?

The darkness closed in around him suffocating, choking. He felt cold _. So cold…_

Warmth flowed into him as a flutter of touch skimmed his cheek. Pulling him back from the edge, a guiding point in the darkness.

“Hush, It’s alright. You are safe here. There’s nothing to fear.” she crooned soft reassurances, trying to pull him back from the darkness, trying to keep his feebly flickering ki alive against the darkness smothering him. And somehow the soothing tones she spoke were more important to him than the words.

But this was wrong. He was dangerous; she should not be near him. Then her touch was gone and he felt himself wavering on the edge, the warmth vanishing like vapor in a cold wind.

 He tried to warn her of the danger, the death he _would_ cause.

“I…I could have…killed you.” the words were soft, broken and he could not meet her open gaze.

Confusion and despair retreated, a gentle blue white light taking its place as he felt gentle hands lift his face, nearly stiffened at her nearness but accepted it, grateful for the moment of peace her touch provided.

“But you did not. And you have not. Don’t blame yourself Kenshin.” Her soft words spoke of forgiveness but he knew only pain and death, even in the face of her understanding, the way she knew, without words, his fear, it could not be.

 As he turned away, he felt the loss as her hand dropped reluctantly from his skin. Felt the chill creep relentlessly into his bones, the blackness, with its invisible crushing weight…

“No, it’s not your fault. You haven’t hurt me. Please Kenshin, believe me, I won’t let you harm me.”

Then heat bloomed in his chest, burning out the hollow deadness and the ache in his heart. In something akin to shock he met her warm cerulean gaze. As she cradled his hand to her he was struck by the strange need to keep her close, to stay in contact, to enjoy if only for a moment the feeling of wholeness her warmth provided. Even as some part of him registered the power she was manifesting, he was hurting, his very bones hurt with an aching chill, and she was so very warm, stoking the inner fire he had felt slowly die over the years.

Tentatively, he raised a hand to her face. Ran almost reverent fingers along her delicate features, it felt like cradling porcelain, if porcelain ever held embers. The frailty of her beauty…it hurt.

“Kaoru,” he breathed her name gently, softening the force of his words, “So fragile…Don’t you see?” he murmured

Running his hand gently down the line of her jaw he placed his hand on her neck. Her languid pulse beat like sparks of warmth against his fingers, letting him know with quiet assurance that he had not failed yet.

Gently, ever so gently, he tightened his grip.

“So delicate, so easily broken…with one hand I could…”

“No,” she whispered not even a hint of fear in her eyes, “you couldn’t.” she contradicted gently.

_‘How could she not believe?’_

Reluctantly his strong hand left her throat, but caught her hand and drawing it into his lap began tracing the delicate bone structure so dwarfed by his own, unable to face the darkness, the despair, not yet.

“Couldn’t?” he murmured softly, “I think you mean… no, hope, that I wouldn’t.” the soft words were bitter with the knowledge that no matter his intentions he brought danger to all around him.

Her softly assured reply broke him,

“You cannot do me harm.”

Those words, the one thing that he wished so desperately were true, that he might not need to fear himself. They broke something in him, and he told her the truth,

“But I can. And that is what I fear, a hunter only kills Kaoru.”

But she would not listen. In a voice steady and strong she, in her beautiful innocence, tried to ennoble the harsh reality of his life

“Have you forgotten? A hunter kills to protect.” The conviction in her voice, so pure, hurt him. For he, in his very existence proved her wrong.

There was nothing to be done. She was not safe. He would remove the source of danger. And as he had done so many times before, to so many others, he tried to intimidate her, to scare her to prove in her eyes the demon he was. His dark smothering ki flared out steeped in pain, and death it clashed with hers a healing warmth, gentle yet strong.

“You know nothing of me.” He bit out harshly, even as he clung to her warmth, his mind pleading with her to leave him for her own safety yet unable to release her, strong calloused hands cradling hers, a tentative lifeline to his sanity.

But the blue eyes he looked into, not the terrified, retreating or outright hateful eyes of a woman seeing her own death and retreating but the deep fathomless orbs which held joy and pain, life and death. Her words were the echo of a past life.

“Do you mean to make me your prey Hunter?”

The shock, the old thrum of fear, were dwarfed in comparison to the steady warmth she radiated, they were not enough to shake his need for her presence, her warmth.

At her words he answered truthfully. Would he hunt her? Could he? No, she was far more powerful, but perhaps more importantly she was Kaoru. She was no longer a faceless soulless horror of the supernatural world. She was kind and forgiving and joyful and the thought of ever dampening that flame frightened him.

“No, not now, not to you…” he murmured unable to articulate the depth of his reasoning. Before the words burst from him, “But why? Kaoru…” he trailed off tensing slightly as the small woman leaned close, resting against him. His rational mind insisting he wanted to pull away for all the wrong reasons.

 _‘Danger,’_ his mind insisted, _‘but for whom, me or her?’_

In the end he proved unable to fight the instinctive fear, the need to keep **_her_** safe; he was not safe for her he would…

Her next words caught him off guard

“Hush,” she murmured, “I mean you no harm.”

Yes, he knew that. Felt it in the warmth of her aura, the ironically protective attachment he had toward her. Yet still he asked,

“Why do you trust me?”

And for once he received an honest answer to his query. No sugar coated lie, no naïve assurances of trust in his self control.

“For the same reason any have chosen to trust me. You have the ability to do harm and choose not to. I understand this, and the uncertainties it leaves. That is the basis for trust. To know that at least for that at the moment you wish me no harm and I return the sentiment. I choose to trust, because I care that you do not throw this life away.” She said her words simple yet pregnant with meaning.

Kenshin flinched away from the meaning of her words. Feeling, in his own mind, the condemnation she did not bestow, the guilt for choosing a clean death over life.

“ _Why_? Why did you do this to me? ”

“You know why Kenshin, I tried to find another way, to warn you…” Kaoru’s voice was very gentle yet weary as if it hurt to acknowledge the pain she had knowingly caused.

The chill of death echoed in Kenshin’s weary reply, “Then why are you here? Have I not learned my lesson? Have I not suffered enough?”

Kaoru gripped his hand reassuringly felt the need to soothe away the anguished man’s pain. Those words had hurt him…so much.

“Would you think so little of me? I meant not to drive you into darkness but to let you appreciate the light. I am not so unfeeling to wish a slow death upon any. . I like to think I have more compassion for life than that. Even my enemies deserve the courtesy of a quick death.”

Hearing her words Kenshin could not bring himself to condemn her, and no bitterness clouded his mind as he softly murmured,

“What can a mage know of their spells?”

Weary golden eyes watched her where she lay, resting her head gently on his chest. So warm, so trusting, as if she knew how her presence kept the awful chill of Death at bay.

“Do not speak of what you do not know. I do not bestow the chill of Death’s coming without thought. I too live under the punishing chill that burdens a warrior’s blade and tempers the hate.” The gentle rebuke softened as she continued.

“It is both a gift and a curse to be born of Fay’s blood.  Holding the power of destruction and rebirth comes at a great price. I am fully blooded and have harbored our blessed curse since birth. Yours needed very little encouragement to manifest.”

Kenshin’s automatic response held all of the stubborn refusal and fear he felt, “I am human.”

_‘Yes, human. Not the bloody demon they named him. Dragon, Killer, Demon, by any name he was death walking free and laughing. Death, surely, he was stained and blackened beyond redemption, but not this… ’_

Kaoru slight movement as she nodded pulled him from his anguished thoughts.

“Mostly,” Kaoru agreed easily.

And though he shook his head in denial Kenshin knew the truth…

By way of explanation Kaoru simply said, “Your mother was a half blood, and although you are of a diluted line you hold a power many pure bloods would envy… such power should not be used in rash violence.”

The despair that swamped him at her words surprised him. He was accustomed to the fear men felt in his presence, the names, and the accusations.

  _What did it matter they had spoken truth? It changed nothing._

 But it still hurt. Gentle words which brutally ripped away his last claim to humanity. He felt cold, lost. It was an ache that even Kaoru’s warmth could not soothe. His hand jerked involuntarily around hers.

He felt the immediate loss as Kaoru lifted her head looking into his face searchingly.

“Why do my words cause you such anguish? Does that knowledge disturb you? More so than embracing the one who let you feel death? Is it so painful to be one of the ancient race, at peace in the brightest light and deepest night; nature’s power condensed to walk earth until the gods see fit to call us home?”

Kenshin shook his head, wishing to hold Kaoru to him, be shielded in her light, and never let her go. To feel her warmth, her acceptance, her gentle forgiveness and not face the darkness alone. Softly he tried to explain his conflicted emotions to her.

“Being with you feels right, it makes me feel whole, safe. But your words only prove that my victims were always right. I am the demon they named me, nothing more.” Raw pain shone in dull amber orbs and he gripped her hand with a desperation that shook her.

Hesitantly, he leaned against her wanting contact, needing the reassurance he wasn’t alone, praying that she would not recoil like so many had. He knew that no one as pure as Kaoru should be soiled by his darkness but was unable to quell his need. The blood he carried was meant to be his burden alone.

But Kaoru understood, reached out to his aching, bleeding heart and welcomed him, blood stains and scars with healing warmth. Accepting his need with soft words of hope and assurance as his strong arms wound about her waist. She pulled him close as he rested his head on her shoulder.

With a deep sigh Kenshin allowed himself to seek the refuge of her arms. Enveloped in her soothing scent, like rain and jasmine and lightning’s heat he let go. Let go of all the pain, the guilt, the sadness and felt a small measure of peace. Carefully, he shifted them from their position side by side, easing Kaoru into the circle of his arms so that she was cradled in sideways in his lap.

Softly Kaoru murmured, “What if I could ease your burden? Your Fay’s blood has awakened, that would have occurred without my help. But I can mellow the hurt, soothe away the cold.”

Kenshin’s grip tightened slightly.

 “You would free me so easily?” he murmured.

“You were never caged. Only know that you are no demon but Fay. Formed of the dark of night and flame, you hold great power. There is no shame in our heritage. It is not our blood which decides our fate but our choices. I will not share your burden only to have you end your life.”

Kenshin shuddered softly.

Was he willing to blacken another soul in order to ease his own suffering? Foist the pain of his sins upon the only person who had ever shown him acceptance? The answer frightened him…was he so weak?

“Please, let me stay like this, for a moment more,” he pled.

He could not make such a choice now. Not at this moment, he couldn’t bring himself to condemn her. Not when what remained of his shattered sanity lay sheltered in her arms.

Kaoru nodded content to hold his horrors at bay,

“Rest easy, I will not let the darkness plague you tonight.”

As he fell asleep cradling her close to his heart Kaoru was forced to face the fact that she had offered to bind herself to hunter. Strangely, she could not find it in herself to regret the decision.

 


End file.
